the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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