we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
