I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
