piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize