a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
