my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
