make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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