i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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