Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
