She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize