I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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