dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize