I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
