can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
