At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
