i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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