Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize