I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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