i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize