She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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