it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize