I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
