You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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