I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
