There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
