if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize