I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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