Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

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(205): View more from Alabama

We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.

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(305): View more from Florida

Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

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(407): View more from Florida

I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens

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(618): View more from Illinois

If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.

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(915): View more from Texas

Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park

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