She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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