Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
