Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
