Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's just like the Real World with babies
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
