I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
