PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
