I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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