that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I understand Curling. That high.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
