put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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