i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
