I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
