What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
