Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
