I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
