you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
