I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize