yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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