Moan for me like Helen Keller
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
