dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
