Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
