I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We need to rekindle our bromance
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
