dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its not stalking. its research.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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