he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
