i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
