There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
