we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
