this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
