I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
