Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
