Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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