What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
