Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
