i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am naked and annoyed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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