i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
