Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
