you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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