im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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