I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
did i just pee glitter
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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