Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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