areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
