i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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