Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
