bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
