You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize