someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
