who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
