Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
