Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
