so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
