He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
