maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
